Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Rafikee has officially left for Canada's culinary school. He'll be back in a couple of years with more delicious banana recipes and also his own cooking show (tentatively titled "The Idiot Chef", with executive producer Keith Wong).

Needless to say, the megastar monkey received a big farewell at the airport from friends and fans alike (watch the video here).

Also, in true Rafikee fashion, the baboon left us with a last, blog-worthy, classic moment...

Rafikee and his brother were at a local departmental store, which, due to a post-Christmas sale, was understandably crowded. Rafikee, being mobbed by fans, was trailing far behind his brother.

Brother: Hey, Raf, hurry up man.

Rafikee starts working his way through the crowd, fervently saying "excuse me". Sudddenly, he stops dead in his tracks, as his way was still being obstructed no matter how many times he said "excuse me" to the person in front of him (or so he thought).

Then, it hit him.

Rafikee: Oh shit, I said "excuse me" to a mannequin!

Rafikee in Thailand

Rafikee is going to Thailand tomorrow for a mission trip. Lets all hope and pray that he will provide us with new material for this blog. Thankfully, Daniel from the editorial team will be tagging along to document him. Most of all, let's all hope that he gets drunk and has fun with a shemale.

Cheers!
Rafikee=Bananas Editorial Team

How Well Do You Know Rafikee?

After all the news, videos and photos we've posted about Rafikee, it's time for all of you to take a short quiz to see how much you have learnt about His Monkey-ness Rafikee Tan. It's a simple quiz (really, it's set by Rafikee himself; how hard can THAT be?), and just a couple of multiple-choice questions.

Click here to start.

And if you don't fare too well, then the editorial team suggests that you read this blog and check out the Facebook group, Rafikee Fan Club (RFC) more often.

Enjoy!

Rafikee At Toys"R"Us

Words cannot describe what Rafikee has done in Toys"R"Us. The videos must be watched to understand what he has done in the store.

Look here for the videos, http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=1357387

Two Pieces

Tasked with giving out song sheets, Rafikee lazily took two sheets, and told the rest to to " Take one , pass down." Seeing that Rafikee had taken two pieces while he had only taken one, Daniel asked Rafikee why he had taken two.

" Two different pieces what."

Daniel then looked at Rafikee's papers, then he flipped them around for Rafikee to see.

"Double-sided lah idiot!"

Drunken Monkey

Last Saturday, Keith Wong, one of the Editors of Rafikee = Bananas met up with the megastar monkey himself. Rafikee was estatic to be in the presence of Keith Wong - who is also a celebrity in his own right. Of course, such a happy occasion saw Rafikee downing a bottle of Whiskey (Keith Wong doesn't drink), which in turn led to Rafikee, well, making a monkey out of himself.

Rafikee FC

Join the Rafikee Fan Club on Facebook now! Access exclusive photos, be kept abreast of all the latest updates, and share your favourite Rafikee Moments with the rest of the world.

Experience the Joke first-hand as you interact with His Monkeyness himself as Rafikee Tan Baboon is also a member of his own Fan Club.

So what are you waiting for? Sign up NOW!

*This public service announcement is brought to you by the editorial team at Rafikee = Bananas, where real life is a hell lot funnier than fiction.*

Rafikee is so Sexy

Rafikee having some fun in the shower!

Bad Baboon

Apparently, Rafikee has been a bad baboon lately; he and his gang have been stirring some shit up in South Africa. Watch the video:



"It's just a fact - humans and baboons don't mix." - Old Geezer in the video who doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.

10 Questions with Rafikee : Behind the Ass

An interview with the idiot.



What started out as a scholarly research interview with a talking baboon with his own tree,

soon turned out to become one of the most revealing sit-downs in history.



The interviewer, Prof. Daniel Ng of Charles Darwin's school of monkilogy, who has had a thesis released on the amount of pertroleum baboons release when they reach maturity. Critically acclaimed, especially in the study of the African Howler Monkey, Daniel has single-handedly made The View and Oprah look like indians asking for viagra in texas, with his provocative questions, prompting Rafikee to comment, was pure genius that only the professor himself, who sidelines as a carebear, would have been able to flush out, like a long dued enema.



The interviewee, Rafikee, is retarded.



Question 1: What is the name of your alien race?

Rafikee: The year is adv 5067.

Rafikee: Mahlist.

Rafikee: You people would call it malice.

Prof. Daniel: I see.

Rafikee: We hail from Ionshitopio.

Question 2: Where is your planet located?

Rafikee: A galaxy far far away.

Prof. Daniel: I see.

Prof. Daniel Ok.

Question 3: Do your kind possess any special abilities?

Rafikee: Yes.

Prof. Daniel: Could you name them please.

Rafikee: At many stages of our evolution we have attained many talents.

Prof. Daniel: Ok.

Prof. Daniel: What talents do you possess now?

Rafikee: At the age of 4 we can extend out arms to tremendous lengths... good for scratching hard to reach places on our huge backs.

Prof. Daniel: How about now?

Rafikee: Hmm.. one of my favourite talents is gathering all my internal energy and accumulating it into an acidic gas and unleashing it through my rear capillaries which is poisonous to you humans.

Prof. Daniel: OK.

Question 4: Are these abilities accumulative?

Rafikee: Indeed my dear nature boy it is.

Prof. Daniel: I see.

Question 5: Why are you on Earth and not on Ionshitopio.

Rafikee: Recon.

Rafikee: Oops i mean peace mission.

Prof. Daniel: I see.

Question 6: Why are you commonly mistaken to be a baboon?

Rafikee: When I first arrived on this planet.

Rafikee: Those that I had made 1st contact with.

Prof. Daniel: Wait.

Prof. Daniel: So was it like transformers?

Rafikee: That's in a movie.

Rafikee: Well if I may continue.

Prof. Daniel: Sure.

Prof. Daniel: I'm sorry.

Rafikee: Yes, people have asked where I'm from.

Rafikee: At that point of time I hadn't activated my inter-galactic translater modulator yet thus giving them a bad reply

Rafikee: I told them I was from a millitary division known as the B.a.b.o.o.n.

Rafikee: Does this division exist in Ionshitopia.

Rafikee: Yes it does... it is an ancient group of mahlistians who work in the underground movement on my planet.

Rafikee: We uphold peace law order and everything right.

Prof. Daniel: Oh.

Rafikee: Please excuse me, my spawnlings need my breast feeding..

Prof. Daniel: Sure.

Rafikee: Ok, where were we?

Prof Daniel: We just finished the 6th question.

Question 7: Why do you have an low IQ by earths standards?

Rafikee: During my travels in space enroute to earth.

Rafikee: I encountered some problems with the ship.

Prof. Daniel: Oh.

Rafikee: I shan't go into the details but..

Prof. Daniel: Did you call the intergalactic SA?

Prof. Daniel: Spacecraft Association.

Prof. Daniel: I heard that they provide towing serivces.

Rafikee: I sustained numerous damages to my nervous system.

Prof. Daniel: Oh.

Rafikee: I had tried to request for their assistance but had also ran out of batteries for my radio.

Prof. Daniel: Oh, tragedy.

Rafikee: It's an old model.. you know the XV1090.

Prof. Daniel: Oh.

Rafikee: Those models suck.

Prof. Daniel: I drive an xv 89 battlesuit.

Daniel Ng: I have no money for aspace shuttle yet.

Rafikee: Yes you humaids are only grasping the means of space travel.

Prof. Daniel: Yes, sadly.

Rafikee: But it is a long time till you get super sonic light travel.

Prof. Daniel: I am one of the more advanced in warpcraft.

Rafikee: As should you be if you are to interview me.

Prof. Daniel: So the damage to your nervous system affected your intelligence?

Rafikee: My people hold great respect for you professor.

Prof. Daniel: Thank you. I wish i could say the same for your people.

Prof. Daniel: So..

Prof. Daniel: Back to the question?

Rafikee: Yes it did.. I'm normal.. but I get random jolts of memory loss and it seems to have gotten worst due to your harsh climate..

Question 8: Why did you start associating with the HUMANS?

Rafikee: WAR! I mean we wanted to know if we could co-exist with humans have trade deals etc.

Prof. Daniel: Through your observations, can your race co-exist?

Rafikee: A peach in the universe.

Prof. Daniel: Is it a nice peach?

Rafikee: It would be hard but in the long run I think we could.

Rafikee: At first it would be hard for you earthlings to accept our rule.. I mean our ppl, our culture.

Prof. Daniel: I see.

Prof. Daniel:Ok, moving on.

Question 9: What do you like about our civilization?

Rafikee: The fresh meat of course.. I mean the livestock.. I mean the people.. they are so kind!

Prof Daniel: Oh.

Question 10: What would you miss about earth when you leave?

Rafikee: Your invasion! ..I mean the ppl of course.

Rafikee: The many friends I've had for dinner.

Prof. Daniel: Oh..

Rafikee: Had with for dinner I mean.

Prof. Daniel: Thank you very much Mr. Rafikee for your time.

Prof. Daniel: I hope to see you around.

Rafikee: *with a cheeky grin and a sneaky look in his eye* indeed we will... indeed we will meet again..

Rafikee: off topic

Rafikee: ur nutz la

Rafikee: hahaha

Prof. Daniel: oh

Rafikee: i go dinner liao

Rafikee: laterz

Prof. Daniel: you know thats going onto your blog right

Prof. Daniel: enjoy your dinner




Evidently, there's more than meets the ass.

Monkey God Tree spotted in Jurong West

Recently, there has been a lot of hype about a tree in Jurong West that bears the sembalnce of two monkeys. Many say that the monkeys are the Chinese Monkey God or the Hindu Hanuman. However, we here have the truth. The monkey is RAFIKEE.

As can be seen on the above picture, Rafikee's face if very prominent on the bark of the tree and it is a wonder why anyone could mistake his face for any other monkeys. The real story of the tree is this. After escaping from the zoo, Rafikee decided to visit Juroung West. As is normal for every creature, he had to urinate. While urinating at the tree, a car collided into him, causing his face imprint to be on the tree. Rafikee quickly escaped after the accident and no one knew that he was involved.

When asked for comment, Taxi driver , Kenneth Ho commented that the tree gave "good luck to stupid people" and that "the bananas somehow disappear everyday". The Ministry of Stupid Happenings has yet to comment on this situation.

Sea Monkeys

Daniel was having a conversation with Kenneth; Rafikee was nearby - and that reminded Daniel of a programme he had watched earlier in the week:

Daniel: Eh, I just saw on Discovery Channel that monkeys can swim.

Rafikee, upon hearing this, butted in:

"Sea-monkeys?!"

Happy New Year, Rafikee

30 Dec 2006, 10pm. Rafikee starts a conversation with Keith on MSN.

Rafikee: Happy New Year, Beef!!

Rafikee: 2 more hours. Hahaha.

Keith: 26 more hours, you mean?

Rafikee: No. Tomorrow is New Year!

Keith: Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, moron. December has 31 days!

Rafikee: Really? Oh shit. I just went round wishing everyone on MSN "Happy New Year"!

Keith: Genius.

Wrestler Rafikee

Latest insider information:

Rafikee Tan Baboon will be appearing live in an upcoming episode of WWE RAW. Rafikee will be wrestling under the moniker "Big Daddy 'Fikee" and will be teaming up with AmosMaga to face Keith "HHH" Wong and Wenjie Cena.

Rafikee's special finishing move is speculated to be The Stinkface, where the wrestler shoves his massive backside into his opponent's face.

WWE, however, has not confirmed the accuracy of this information, only stating that next Monday's episode of RAW will be the most entertaining to date.


This is a picture insider sources have gotten from WWE studios:



(click here for the match details)

Rafikee sighted!

Rafikee sighted in Mandai!

This headline is splashed all over the front cover of the gossip magazine, Broad & Ben. The chief editor of the magazine, Ben "The" Boner, has said that the article is true and had been received from one of it's correspondents. Boner, who is an intamate friend of Rafikee, has said this about the article, "Rafikee is a really close friend of mine, both of us even went to Malaysia together after he escaped from the zoo. We had a lot of fun there, and this article is like a link to the past, giving me hope in finding Rafikee." Boner has had run-ins with the authorities for his sexual alignment towards animals.

In the Singapore Zoological Gardens, things are in an uproar. All the baboons are either excited or agitated upon hearing that their most famous, or infamous, member has been sighted. Keeper of Primate Well-being, Mr. Keith Wong commented that the animals were "howling loudly, I'm not sure if it's in agony or in happiness. After all Rafikee has caused their backsides to be so sore that they have become permenantley red." The KFC in the zoo is also stocking up in chicken in anticipation of Rafikee raiding their stores.

One particular baboon has been waiting for Rafikee for 12 long years. Broadband has been patiently waiting for his life partner for all this time. Rafikee's arrival might be attributed to the mating call that Broadband gave out this year. Many are waiting for Rafikee's arrival and some fans have already started camping in the zoo's Ben & Jerry's ice-cream store.

Long Lost Lover Seeks Rafikee

Mating season is here, and the baboons are out in full force hunting for prospective primal partners.

One baboon in particular, nicknamed Broadband, was adamant that he only mated with Rafikee.

At the Singapore Zoological Gardes today, Broadband remained bent over the entire day (as pictured), mooning his red ass for all who passed by, hoping that the love of his life, Rafikee, would come back from the concrete jungle to mate with him.

Unfortunately, their relationship was not meant to be.

Daniel Ng, Primate Relations Officer for the Singapore Zoological Gardens, said, "We do not allow homosexual relationships between our animals here at the Singapore Zoo. The Zoo is a family attraction. What would people think if they see two gay monkeys mating?"

Rafikee and Broadband's gay relationship developed during the annual Gorilla Games way back in 1993, when they took part in the tree swinging competition together.

Rafikee escaped from the Zoo about 12 years ago, leaving Broadband pining for his return ever since.

Every year, Broadband would sit alone while the other baboons mated.

This year, however, Broadband could not bear the lonliness anymore and thus decided to send out his mating call to Rafikee.

Mr. Ng commented, "We are expecting Rafikee to answer this call from his gay lover, and we are ready. Once he shows his red ass, we shall capture him and put him back in his enclosure."

He added, "Having Rafikee back would certainly raise the number of visitors to our Zoo. After all, Rafikee has made quite a name for himself."

Blast From Baboon's Past (II)

A classic picture from the good ol' secondary school days (also featured in the picture is Keith Wong's other pet - his dog, Frank the Pug. Isn't it lovely how the animals get along so well together?).

The Baboon Responds, Part (I)

Earlier today, His Monkey-ness himself was commenting on Rafikee = Bananas.

Rafikee: Eh, Keith, not funny man. I really thought it was LOL Building!

Classique Rafikee Moment (VII): Birthday maths

It was Daniel's birthday on Friday, when he saw Rafikee on Sunday he told Rafikee that his birthday had passed. The conversation went something like...

Rafikee: So, how old are you now?
Daniel: You guess
R: Dunno
D: I'm 17 dumbass
R: Oh, I see. Aiya just 1 more year
D: Until?
R: You can get drunk lah

At this point, Keith starts sniggering

R: Hey Keith, whats so funny?
K: Rafikee, you are damn stupid leh
D: Yeah, quite

Rafikee is pretty bewildered by all this

R: What's so stupid?
D: You cannot count ah, sec3 is 15 years old lor
R: You are sec3 meh?

At this point in time, Rafikee has already known Daniel for over 8 months

D: Yes I am dumbass
R: Oh

Classic Rafikee Moment VI

This took place in class, when rafikee's friends started bombarding him with his daily dose of insults, one comment that was thrown at him, 'your balls!' and rafikee retorted 'at least i have one, unlike you'! Keith laughed, ' Ya of course, i have two'.

Blast From Baboon's Past

From 2002. Need I say more?

Editorial team

As some of you may have gathered from the previous post, this blog is not helmed by one person. No. The chronicling of Rafikee's life needs at least 39589278 people due to his size. Anyway, here's introducing the 2 smart/handsome/genius/muscular/not from chinese high/pro/all of the above people that started this blog

*drumroll*

Keith Wong and Daniel Ng

as you can guess these 2 eminent members of society have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil.

Oh sorry. I mean chronicling Rafikee's life and his acts of foolishness and plain idiocity. Heres the oath they made

Pledge

We the writers of this blog

Pledge ourselves as one united people

Regardless of attractivness, muscle mass or geniosity

To be a communist/socialist/democratic/dictatorial/facist/choose one) blog

Based on Rafikees foolishness and assholishness

So as to acheive stupidness, internet infamity and humiliation for Rafikee

Anyway, if you see us on the road dont hesitate to ask us how Rafikee is

CRAZY UPDATES

Hey all you fans of Rafikee! You guys may be quite sad that there haven't been that many updates recently but never fear, the editorial team is here! In case you didn't know, this blog is not written by one person but MORE THAN ONE, and our numbers are legion by the way. I promise on our red arses that we will try our best to update this blog as much as possible this following week, after all isn't the reason for the national day holiday to screw around and get drunk? This is as good as that.

Cheers!

Daniel

(whose birthday was yesterday)

Classic Rafikee Moment (V)

Rafikee and Kenneth are walking somewhere in the CBD area.

They come across the IOI building.

Rafikee points at it and goes "Look, Kenneth, Laugh Out Loud building," and starts laughing hysterically.

Kenneth turns to Rafikee and tells him, "Rafikee, it's I-O-I building, you moron."

Rafikee goes, "Oh."

Classic Rafikee Moment (IV)

Kenneth, Bingxin and Rafikee go to some random McDonalds outlet to eat.

Rafikee sees them shake a bag of shaker fries and then sets out to emulate them

Putting the seasoning in the bag first, he starts shaking. Then, he puts the fries in the bag and starts eating.

When told that he had done the shaking wrong, he commented " No difference what."

Rafikee's long lost brother found

Rafikee, star of the blockbuster King Kong, has finally found his long lost brother of 21 years

Right: Rafikee's brother in his full, unclothed glory

Rafikee's brother, who has yet to be named, had been abandoned when he was born. This was due to a prophecy that Rafikee's parents knew about, that one of their children would be the biggest jackass that ever lived, the so called "Chosen One" . Not wanting to have the shame of raising the "Chosen One", his parents rolled dice to see which child they would give Ah Meng to raise for them. Unfortunately, Rafikee was not the one given and instead hsi visibly smarter brother was given to Ah Meng

In a slow motion, Chariots of Fire moment, Rafikee embraced his brother in the Singapore Zoological Gardens. Rafikee's brother was found to be working in the KFC there. They started grooming each other immediatley in a show of brotherly love.

Commenting on the situation at hand, Minister for Lost Siblings, Daniel Ng was quoted as saying that the situation was "unfortunate as the wrong child had been abandoned all those years ago," and that he was "happy that the parents have got their smarter child back."

A movie has been scheduled to be filmed based on the reuniting of the two brothers, the working title being "Lord of the Bananas". It chronicles the ardous non-existent journey Rafikee had to take to find his brother. The movie will be tentativley released in August 2008

Classic Rafikee Moment (III)

The clique was working on a music project at the home of one of the members.

For this project, Rafikee was to be the lead singer of the group.

Midway, the guys decided to take a short break. They turned to Rafikee. "Hey, stay here and memorise the lyrics. What do you want? We'll get it for you."

Rafikee was touched by their kindness. On the verge of tears, he said "just some water will do."

The guys returned with Rafikee's drink in hand. They passed it to him. Rafikee happily gulped it down. Then, he realised that the guys were trying to hold back their laughter.

"What?" Rafikee asked, perplexed and suspicious.

"Rafikee," Keith started. "That was water from the toilet."

The following look of shock and horror on Rafikee's face was priceless.

Classic Rafikee Moment (II)

Rafikee thinks Keith is plotting something devious against him. Thus, he tries to form an alliance with Kenneth. Kenneth "agrees".

The next day, Rafikee approaches Kenneth.

"Kenneth, I thought about it the entire night. I finally know what to do", he says excitedly.

"Let's just use whatever Keith's plan is against him!"

Needless to say, Rafikee's brilliance left Kenneth speechless... for about 5 secs, after which he burst out laughing.

Classic Rafikee Moment (I)

Rafikee sitting in church. He feels cold.

Rafikee turns to Keith:

"Eh Keith, it's damn cold. Can turn down the volume?"

Rafikee To Star In New Coke Commercial

Rafikee, star of the hit animated movie, The Lion King, is set to star in a new advertisement for Coca-Cola.

The concept for the television commercial has yet to be announced by Coca-Cola, saying that they wanted to keep viewers in suspense.

Creative and media duties were handled by Freakshow Intergrated Marketing Communication. Keith Wong, Director of Strategic Planning, said that Rafikee was the best model he has ever worked with.

"Rafikee is hilarious," Wong commented between laughs. "He doesn't even have to do anything. I just look at him and I can't stop laughing - and it's not even because of the duck suit!"

The campaign is set to launch in January next year, with a whole range of marketing activities, including a one-night-only stand-up comedy performance by Rafikee himself scheduled sometime in March 2008.

Rafikee Tan Breif Biography

My arse is red
My brain cells blue
Rafikee is dumb
and he loves you



Rafikee Tan is a famous Singaporean singer/dance/banker/whore/salesman/news anchor/dumbass. He is not only famous regionally, but rather, globally. As Chuck Norris once said, " Rafikee Tan is more of a jackass than me". Having being featured in the news several times, Rafikee is a mini celebrity in that sense. He rivals Ah Meng in certain aspects, such as being a primate and being hugely popular with other hairy monkeys. Many interesting news about him have surfaced on the internet, such as

http://www.dotale.com/cnn.php?p=http%3A%2F%2Fv3.imagehoster.org%2Fuploads%2F1175731423.gif&headline=Mentally+disabled+man+sues+his+own+parents+over+pocket+money&storytext=Singapore-+A+mentally+disabled+man+with+the+IQ+of+-567+has+sued+his+parents+over+the+dispute+that+he+did+not+receive+enough+pocket+money+in+secondary+school%0D%0ARafikee+Tan+%2C+21%2C+has+sued+his+parents+over+this+monetary+dispute.+He+claims+that+his+parents+only+gave+him+1+Indonesian+Rupiah+a+day+in+secondary+school.+However%2C+he+also+states+that+his+dog+is+actually+a+robot+in+disguise.+Due+to+his+handicap%2C+Lawyer+Keith+Wong+has+volunteered+to+represent+Tan+in+court.+Wong+says%2C+%5C%22Since+young+I+have+had+compassion+for+unfortunate+people%2C+Rafikee+is+just+one+of+them.%5C%22+Wong+prides+himself+as+being+Singapore%5C%27s+most+buff+lawyer.%0D%0ARafikee+Tan+has+a+history+with+the+Singapore+Police+Force+and+has+been+charged+on+multiple+accounts+of+calling+999+and+saying+%2C%5C%22I+need+a+double+cheeseburger+and+hold+the+lettuce%0D%0ADon%5C%27t+be+frontin%5C%27+son+no+seeds+on+a+bun%0D%0AWe+be+up+in+this+drive+thru%0D%0AOrder+for+two%0D%0AI+gots+a+craving+for+a+number+nine+like+my+shoe%0D%0AWe+need+some+chicken+up+in+here%0D%0AIn+this+hizzle%0D%0AFor+rizzle+my+nizzle%0D%0AExtra+salt+on+the+frizzle%0D%0ADr.+Pepper+my+brother%0D%0AAnother+for+your+mother%0D%0ADouble+double+super+size%0D%0AAnd+don%5C%27t+forget+the+fries.%5C%22+This+has+caused+considerable+chaos+in+the+Woodbridge+Police+Headquarters+as+some+police+officers+actually+went+to+help+Tan+obtain+the+said+food+items.%0D%0ATan+also+plans+on+sueing+himself+over+the+incompetence+of+his+penis+not+being+able+to+urinate+properly.%0D%0AThe+case+has+been+postponed+due+to+lack+of+a+jury+and+will+continue+on+August+9%2C+during+the+National+Day+Parade%0D%0A%0D%0AAdditional+report+by+Daniel+Ng%0D%0A&own=yes

http://rafikee.tan.dotale.com/nytimes.php?v=Rafikee+Tan&l=Singapore&g=male&p=http%3A%2F%2Fv3.imagehoster.org%2Fuploads%2F1175731423.gif&story=11&f=


http://rafikee.tan.dotale.com/cnn.php?l=Singapore&g=male&p=http%3A%2F%2Fv3.imagehoster.org%2Fuploads%2F1175731423.gif&story=07&f=

Being such a prominent member of our society, Rafikee indeed deserves to have a website dedicated to his acts of tomfoolerly and utter assholishness. Therefore, Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines as this blog has opened with enough fanfare to fuel the world fifty times over.