Happy New Year, Rafikee

30 Dec 2006, 10pm. Rafikee starts a conversation with Keith on MSN.

Rafikee: Happy New Year, Beef!!

Rafikee: 2 more hours. Hahaha.

Keith: 26 more hours, you mean?

Rafikee: No. Tomorrow is New Year!

Keith: Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, moron. December has 31 days!

Rafikee: Really? Oh shit. I just went round wishing everyone on MSN "Happy New Year"!

Keith: Genius.

Wrestler Rafikee

Latest insider information:

Rafikee Tan Baboon will be appearing live in an upcoming episode of WWE RAW. Rafikee will be wrestling under the moniker "Big Daddy 'Fikee" and will be teaming up with AmosMaga to face Keith "HHH" Wong and Wenjie Cena.

Rafikee's special finishing move is speculated to be The Stinkface, where the wrestler shoves his massive backside into his opponent's face.

WWE, however, has not confirmed the accuracy of this information, only stating that next Monday's episode of RAW will be the most entertaining to date.


This is a picture insider sources have gotten from WWE studios:



(click here for the match details)

Rafikee sighted!

Rafikee sighted in Mandai!

This headline is splashed all over the front cover of the gossip magazine, Broad & Ben. The chief editor of the magazine, Ben "The" Boner, has said that the article is true and had been received from one of it's correspondents. Boner, who is an intamate friend of Rafikee, has said this about the article, "Rafikee is a really close friend of mine, both of us even went to Malaysia together after he escaped from the zoo. We had a lot of fun there, and this article is like a link to the past, giving me hope in finding Rafikee." Boner has had run-ins with the authorities for his sexual alignment towards animals.

In the Singapore Zoological Gardens, things are in an uproar. All the baboons are either excited or agitated upon hearing that their most famous, or infamous, member has been sighted. Keeper of Primate Well-being, Mr. Keith Wong commented that the animals were "howling loudly, I'm not sure if it's in agony or in happiness. After all Rafikee has caused their backsides to be so sore that they have become permenantley red." The KFC in the zoo is also stocking up in chicken in anticipation of Rafikee raiding their stores.

One particular baboon has been waiting for Rafikee for 12 long years. Broadband has been patiently waiting for his life partner for all this time. Rafikee's arrival might be attributed to the mating call that Broadband gave out this year. Many are waiting for Rafikee's arrival and some fans have already started camping in the zoo's Ben & Jerry's ice-cream store.

Long Lost Lover Seeks Rafikee

Mating season is here, and the baboons are out in full force hunting for prospective primal partners.

One baboon in particular, nicknamed Broadband, was adamant that he only mated with Rafikee.

At the Singapore Zoological Gardes today, Broadband remained bent over the entire day (as pictured), mooning his red ass for all who passed by, hoping that the love of his life, Rafikee, would come back from the concrete jungle to mate with him.

Unfortunately, their relationship was not meant to be.

Daniel Ng, Primate Relations Officer for the Singapore Zoological Gardens, said, "We do not allow homosexual relationships between our animals here at the Singapore Zoo. The Zoo is a family attraction. What would people think if they see two gay monkeys mating?"

Rafikee and Broadband's gay relationship developed during the annual Gorilla Games way back in 1993, when they took part in the tree swinging competition together.

Rafikee escaped from the Zoo about 12 years ago, leaving Broadband pining for his return ever since.

Every year, Broadband would sit alone while the other baboons mated.

This year, however, Broadband could not bear the lonliness anymore and thus decided to send out his mating call to Rafikee.

Mr. Ng commented, "We are expecting Rafikee to answer this call from his gay lover, and we are ready. Once he shows his red ass, we shall capture him and put him back in his enclosure."

He added, "Having Rafikee back would certainly raise the number of visitors to our Zoo. After all, Rafikee has made quite a name for himself."

Blast From Baboon's Past (II)

A classic picture from the good ol' secondary school days (also featured in the picture is Keith Wong's other pet - his dog, Frank the Pug. Isn't it lovely how the animals get along so well together?).

The Baboon Responds, Part (I)

Earlier today, His Monkey-ness himself was commenting on Rafikee = Bananas.

Rafikee: Eh, Keith, not funny man. I really thought it was LOL Building!

Classique Rafikee Moment (VII): Birthday maths

It was Daniel's birthday on Friday, when he saw Rafikee on Sunday he told Rafikee that his birthday had passed. The conversation went something like...

Rafikee: So, how old are you now?
Daniel: You guess
R: Dunno
D: I'm 17 dumbass
R: Oh, I see. Aiya just 1 more year
D: Until?
R: You can get drunk lah

At this point, Keith starts sniggering

R: Hey Keith, whats so funny?
K: Rafikee, you are damn stupid leh
D: Yeah, quite

Rafikee is pretty bewildered by all this

R: What's so stupid?
D: You cannot count ah, sec3 is 15 years old lor
R: You are sec3 meh?

At this point in time, Rafikee has already known Daniel for over 8 months

D: Yes I am dumbass
R: Oh

Classic Rafikee Moment VI

This took place in class, when rafikee's friends started bombarding him with his daily dose of insults, one comment that was thrown at him, 'your balls!' and rafikee retorted 'at least i have one, unlike you'! Keith laughed, ' Ya of course, i have two'.

Blast From Baboon's Past

From 2002. Need I say more?

Editorial team

As some of you may have gathered from the previous post, this blog is not helmed by one person. No. The chronicling of Rafikee's life needs at least 39589278 people due to his size. Anyway, here's introducing the 2 smart/handsome/genius/muscular/not from chinese high/pro/all of the above people that started this blog

*drumroll*

Keith Wong and Daniel Ng

as you can guess these 2 eminent members of society have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil.

Oh sorry. I mean chronicling Rafikee's life and his acts of foolishness and plain idiocity. Heres the oath they made

Pledge

We the writers of this blog

Pledge ourselves as one united people

Regardless of attractivness, muscle mass or geniosity

To be a communist/socialist/democratic/dictatorial/facist/choose one) blog

Based on Rafikees foolishness and assholishness

So as to acheive stupidness, internet infamity and humiliation for Rafikee

Anyway, if you see us on the road dont hesitate to ask us how Rafikee is

CRAZY UPDATES

Hey all you fans of Rafikee! You guys may be quite sad that there haven't been that many updates recently but never fear, the editorial team is here! In case you didn't know, this blog is not written by one person but MORE THAN ONE, and our numbers are legion by the way. I promise on our red arses that we will try our best to update this blog as much as possible this following week, after all isn't the reason for the national day holiday to screw around and get drunk? This is as good as that.

Cheers!

Daniel

(whose birthday was yesterday)

Classic Rafikee Moment (V)

Rafikee and Kenneth are walking somewhere in the CBD area.

They come across the IOI building.

Rafikee points at it and goes "Look, Kenneth, Laugh Out Loud building," and starts laughing hysterically.

Kenneth turns to Rafikee and tells him, "Rafikee, it's I-O-I building, you moron."

Rafikee goes, "Oh."